There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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