Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
