Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
