I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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