i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
