yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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