Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
