i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize