I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
