Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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