It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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