I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
