Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
