It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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