Are we in a gay sports bar?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
