I'm going to jail i love you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
