WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
