just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
