have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
