Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
