Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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