my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
