everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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