He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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