I am spending my child support on dildos
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
