How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
