Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
