maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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