You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
