Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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