No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
