I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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