You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
