In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
