im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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