people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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