bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
