Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
