I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
