this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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