i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
