No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
