Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
As shirtless as possible
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
