dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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