im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
