I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
