new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Shame - the story of my life.
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