Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
