so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
