Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm too high and old for this...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
