She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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