every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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