im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
