This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
