first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
