Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
