Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
