Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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