Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
