My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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