I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
