____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
