we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
