It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
