nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
