So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
