i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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