I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
