just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
