are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
