I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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