how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
