This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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